It’s not every day you watch a man and a woman engaging in body congress before a group of strangers – but then again, this wasn’t your average weekend.
The male participant was Court Vox, a hulking, bearded blonde Los Angeles-based sex coach with a buzz cut, who runs immersive retreats for men wanting to up their game in the bedroom.
There he was dutifully conducting a hands-on demonstration involving with his female co-coach. Yes, really.
I’ll admit I went into this retreat weekend with an arched eyebrow.
I thought sex coaching was for the spiritually confused or rich-and-bored – all incense, chanting and awkward hugging. But what I saw, and experienced, made me re-evaluate my judgement.
The first time I had sex after leaving the retreat, I noticed a change. I wasn’t caught up in how I looked or sounded. I wasn’t thinking about what my partner was seeing. I was in my body.
Which got me thinking – if I, a grown woman, could walk away with a completely reworked sense of sexual confidence, what could this do for men?
So, I asked Vox to sit for an interview and tell me about the men who have been hiring his services.
Court Vox, a hulking, bearded blonde Los Angeles-based sex coach with a buzz cut, runs immersive retreats for men wanting to up their game in the bedroom.
His signature three-day course starts at $9,000. The VIP year-long program will set you back a jaw-dropping $100,000.
If I, a grown woman, could walk away with a completely reworked sense of sexual confidence, what could this do for men?
His signature three-day course starts at $9,000. The VIP year-long program will set you back a jaw-dropping $100,000.
At these ‘somatic laboratory’ retreats (for the uninitiated, ‘somatic’ refers to therapy that relates to the body rather than the mind), willing participants are taught not just how to talk about sex, but how to do it.
There’s breathwork, tantric meditation, body awareness, eye-gazing, and, if the client consents, full nudity and ‘physical guidance’ are all on the menu. And men are paying serious money for the privilege.
If you’re wondering what kind of guy signs up for something like this, Vox says it’s a mix.
Some are high-flying executives with too much stress and not enough satisfaction. Others are newly divorced men who want to reset their sexual identity.
There are also the men who are too dependent pornography. The single guys looking to improve their dating lives. Those wanting to reconnect with long-term partners.
And many who are formerly religious devotees trying to deprogram a lifetime of shame around sex.
‘They come out of religion and go wild,’ he says. ‘It’s not necessarily about re-entering sex. It’s about learning how to do it consciously.’
Vox also doesn’t just work with straight men. His private practice includes GBTQ+ men, straight women, and couples. He co-leads sensual retreats for women.
In some cases, Vox works as a surrogate partner in collaboration with a licensed therapist- which sounds rather saucy.
‘Over time, we may introduce more intimate exercises, such as cuddling, guided touch, sensual connection, sensation exploration, and eventually erotic exploration – if it serves the client’s therapeutic goals,’ he explains.
So how does that differ from sex work, I ask.
‘Sex workers provide a different service around pleasure and companionship on a more transactional level.’
The difference is that surrogate partner therapy, Vox says, always includes collaboration with a therapist and regular debriefs. ‘You wouldn’t expect a sex worker to call your therapist after a session to talk about your emotional progress,’ he adds.
While surrogate partner therapy is legal in some parts of the world, it exists in a grey area in others. Because it involves erotic or sexual touch in a therapeutic setting, it’s sometimes conflated with prostitution – a comparison many practitioners and therapists are quick to challenge.
Surrogate work is done under clinical supervision, often as a last resort when talk therapy alone hasn’t been effective. It’s not about performance or fantasy fulfilment, Vox explains, but about safely reintroducing touch and intimacy in a structured, supportive way.
There’s breathwork, tantric meditation, body awareness, eye-gazing, and, if the client consents, full nudity and ‘physical guidance’ are all on the menu. And men are paying serious money for the privilege.
The difference is that surrogate partner therapy, Vox says, always includes collaboration with a therapist and regular debriefs. ‘You wouldn’t expect a sex worker to call your therapist after a session to talk about your emotional progress,’ he adds.
He’s seen it all. One man who couldn’t discuss sex without blushing. Another who’d never looked at his own genitals. Several men who thought they were broken, only to discover that what they lacked wasn’t testosterone – it was intimacy.
Naturally, I had to ask: has anyone ever caught feelings?
‘Yes,’ he says. ‘Vulnerability can stir up desire. But even if my answer is no, I celebrate the courage it takes to name that desire. That’s a teaching moment, not a shaming one.’
He’s seen it all. One man who couldn’t discuss sex without blushing. Another who’d never looked at his own genitals. Several men who thought they were broken, only to discover that what they lacked wasn’t testosterone – it was intimacy.
Most men arrive thinking they need a quick fix. Low libido. Porn dependency. Premature ejaculation. Disconnection from their partner. But Vox says the real reason is almost always deeper.
‘They want to feel again.’
Some cry during sessions, he says. One man wept in Vox’s arms after finally feeling safe enough to be touched. Another left his high-powered job. One client finally learnt how to communicate what he wanted and found the love of his life. Others just start breathing differently. Standing taller. Listening better.
But there is a dark side to this line of work. He’s heard horror stories from clients who have worked with other ‘coaches’: sessions that involved unwanted nudity, rushed consent, or sleazy promises of ‘sex hacks.’
‘If your nervous system doesn’t feel safe, that’s information. Trust it,’ he warns. ‘Anyone claiming to heal you in X amount of days is selling snake oil.’
Vox himself is certified in Sexological Bodywork and trained in Surrogate Partner Therapy, Somatic Shadow Work, and Tantra. He’s part of several professional bodies and tells every prospective client to do their homework before handing over a cent.
And for the skeptics who say, ‘Shouldn’t grown men just know how to have sex by now?’
‘Most of us never received a pleasure-informed, shame-free sex education,’ he says. ‘We’re relying on scripts we learned at 18. Porn, religion, patriarchy. None of it teaches us how to feel. How to listen.’
Which brings me to the ultimate question: are the men who do this work actually better in bed?
‘Better,’ he says. ‘Because they’re not performing. They’re present. And that’s the best sex skill of all.’
