Dear Jana,
I live in Sydney and my partner is based in Perth (FIFO life!), so sexting has become our love language – and honestly, I’ve always thought he had a PhD in dirty talk.
But last week, I was visiting him and noticed a tab open on his laptop titled ‘Sexting Ideas’. Of course, my curiosity got the better of me – I opened it.
Turns out he’s been outsourcing his dirty talk to ChatGPT! Actual prompt: ‘Write a sexy text for my girlfriend to get her excited about our next visit.’
I nearly dropped my phone.
Now, I feel a bit weird. Were all those sexy texts even from him?
When I asked him about it, he said he just needed ‘a bit of inspiration’.
Sexting Siri.
A woman tells DailyMail+ columnist Jana Hocking she is worried about her husband using ChatGPT for sexting
‘I understand it may have been upsetting to discover all that lovely filth you thought was tailored to you, from him, came from a chatbot,’ writes Jana (stock image posed by model)
Dear Sexting Siri,
Okay, hear me out: if your man is using ChatGPT to turn up the heat, at least he’s not recycling creatively bankrupt phrases like ‘You up?’ or ‘Wanna sit on my face?’
So in that sense, he’s already a cut above.
But… I get your concern. It’s the 21st-century equivalent of getting someone to ghost-write their love letters.
However, I’m going to cut him some slack. Long-distance love with a FIFO schedule? He must be exhausted. So, he got some inspiration from our robot masters – big deal.
With all that said, I understand it may have been upsetting to discover all that lovely filth you thought was personally tailored to you, from him, came from a chatbot.
We all crave something real in a world that’s increasingly fake, filtered and AI-generated. So your feelings are valid.
My advice? Tell him this: ‘Love the effort, babe, but next time skip the bot. I want your raw, messy, badly punctuated thoughts. Because those turn me on.’
A despairing woman tells Jana she discovered her husband lurks in Reddit forums where men fantasise about dominating women of a certain ethnicity (file image)
Dear Jana,
I recently discovered that my husband is an active member of a specific Reddit group dedicated to men dominating women of a certain ethnicity.
I’ll spare you the details (the subreddit’s name alone is enough to make you vomit), but finding his posts made my stomach turn. They were graphic and, honestly, kind of racist.
Other posters – not my husband, thank God – even share overseas destinations where men can find these women.
To make things worse, I’m not part of that racial group he’s so keen on, nor do I enjoy being dominated.
We’ve always had a pretty gentle, mutual kind of intimacy, so now I’m spiralling. I feel like I don’t even know who he is anymore.
Is this just a porn-fuelled fantasy, or should I be worried that he has a fetish that’s not only degrading, but has nothing to do with me?
Wish I Hadn’t Looked
Dear Wish I Hadn’t Looked,
What a horribly modern heartbreak, being blindsided by the secret corners of someone’s digital life.
Let’s get this straight: your discomfort is valid. This isn’t about prudishness or lacking imagination in bed, it’s the shock to the system that comes when you discover something deeply unsettling about your life partner.
The sliver of good news – if you can even say that – is that at least his fantasies aren’t criminal. But they are problematic and racially charged.
Sexual kinks can be obscure, often contradictory, and yes, sometimes shocking.
But when those fantasies are grounded in ugly things like men dominating women from other races, it’s hard to dismiss them as harmless escapism.
I suspect you already know that.
To me, this feels like a textbook case of the ‘Madonna-whore complex’, where a man emotionally invests in one type of woman (often the respectable wife) while sexually fixating on another (usually a promiscuous or fetishised ‘version’ of the wife).
In other words, while you cook dinner and do the gentle stuff in the bedroom, his sexual energy is directed towards this racialised fantasy that lives on Reddit.
Is your relationship over? Not necessarily – but this shouldn’t be swept under the rug.
You have to find out the truth about this fantasy. Is it mere curiosity? Or does he actually want a submissive lover who matches his racial preference (yuck).
If he can’t answer those questions without overreacting or turning it back on you, then you have a serious problem.
Dear Jana,
After 12 years of marriage, my husband recently said he wanted to spice up our sex life. I was bracing myself for a little toy shopping or a suggestion of role play.
No – he wants to start swinging. But only with women. His argument is that because I’m bisexual and attracted to women, it’s an entirely reasonable request.
I asked how he’d feel if I wanted to sleep with another man. He said he wouldn’t like it – that’s his ‘boundary’.
Right now, he insists he’s just trying to be adventurous and I’m being closed-minded.
But to me, it sounds like he wants to sleep with other women while preserving his pride by keeping men off-limits for me.
Maybe he thinks me sleeping with another woman ‘doesn’t count’?
Wife’s Dilemma.
‘The minute you brought up equal-opportunity fun (read: you with another man), he slammed on the brakes,’ advice columnist Jana Hocking writes
Dear Wife’s Dilemma.
When he says, ‘Let’s swing, but only with women,’ what he’s really saying is, ‘I want the thrill of variety, but none of the compromise’.
It’s not an equal sexual adventure – it’s a man wanting to live out his harem fantasy.
It speaks volumes that he slammed on the brakes the moment you suggested being with another man. It’s simple double standards.
By putting rules on an open relationship that he knows limit only you, it’s clear he isn’t after mutual sexual exploration. He wants permission to cheat – and is giving it a ‘you can come along for the ride’ spin.
I’m all for trying new things in relationships, but it only works when both people are equally excited and emotionally safe. Don’t fall for it.
If he keeps pushing for it, tell him: ‘No thanks, darling. If you’re desperate for a threesome, there’s always your right hand, your left hand, and your imagination.’
