Cheating is often blamed on lust, boredom, need for validation or one too many drinks on a night out.
However according to Esther Perel, a US-based sex therapist of 45 years, there is one ‘main reason’ which leads to people cheating in a relationship.
The psychotherapist, 66, who has spent decades speaking to couples who have been through infidelity, says there is a far more common reason people stray.
In an interview with The Telegraph, Perel believes the ‘deadness’ of a relationship is a key sign that a partner may be looking to stray.
Long-term relationships after see a slow emotional and erotic shutdown that leaves one or both partners feeling numb, unseen, and disconnected.
Where the initial spark and the sense of excitement when you initially got together has faded.
She revealed this isn’t uncommon in relationships, as the transition from the dating stage to doing household chores, school drop offs and grocery shopping, isn’t a particularly exciting one.
She said: ‘Responsibility and pleasure do not necessarily go that well together. The ingredients which are essential to love are not necessarily the same ones which fuel desire.’
According to Esther Perel, a US-based sex therapist of 45 years, there is one ‘main reason’ which leads to people cheating in a relationship
However even though it is normal for the spark to fade, Perel revealed there are ways to keep the ‘curiosity’ alive with your partner.
She claimed that creating new methods of exploration in a relationship can help you see your partner in a new light, and it doesn’t have to be sexual.
‘It could be telling interesting stories, creating new rituals, trying new food.
‘It’s about giving your partner the chance to see you and themselves in a new context,’ she added.
She also added that giving each other ‘space’ to go on separate holiday’s or even sleep in separate beds can, saying ‘desire needs space’.
The psychotherapist added: ‘If you’ve become intertwined, you can’t have a relationship because you’re already the same person.’
It comes after Perel previously insisted that infidelity doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship – in fact she believes it can make it stronger.
The relationship therapist claimed cheating can benefit a marriage because it can shake people out of complacency.
‘Many affairs are break-ups, but some affairs are make-ups,’ Perl told The Observer.
The psychotherapist, 66, who has spent decades speaking to couples who have been through infidelity, says there is a far more common reason people stray (stock image)
Perel doesn’t defend adultery, but says it cannot be reduced to couple being either the good or bad one.
Perel, who released a new book on the subject The State of Affairs Rethinking infidelity, believes divorce shouldn’t be the only option.
She said: ‘I think people should be able to determine for themselves the choices that they will make and the consequences thereof.
‘To just push people to divorce and to think that divorce is always the better solution when it dissolves all the family bonds… Entire lives are intertwined with a marriage.’
The psychologist also states that affairs may improve relationships because it makes a couple take stock of their marriage.
She said: ‘Sometimes the relationship that comes out is stronger, and more honest and deeper than the one that existed before because people finally step up.’
A recent survey by ‘married dating site’ Ashley Madison found that a staggering 55 per cent of couples were planning to use Halloween as a chance to strike up an affair.
In addition to this, 48 per cent admitted they wanted to engage in role play with an extramarital partner and explore their fantasies in costume.
Just 26 per cent said they hadn’t used role play with their spouse but were willing to try.
