A father-of-four has revealed the quick trick that quells toddler tantrums in as little as two minutes.
In a video posted to his social media, US-based author and parenting expert Jon Fogel explained that calming down your little one is as simple as playing an easy game.
It all has to do with understanding the way in which children’s brains operate, especially those aged between one and three, who are navigating overwhelming emotions for the first time.
In a TikTok clip on his channel @wholeparent, the influencer said that in order to stop an outburst, you play ‘the color game’ with your child where ‘all you do is look for colors’.
The instructions are as basic as asking your toddler something along the lines of ‘Where’s something red?’ or ‘What color is that?’
It may seem too good to be true, but Jon broke down the science behind his method in his clip.
‘This is how you short circuit a tantrum – just end it,’ said Jon. ‘This is what you need to know.
‘Brains – they can’t do everything at once. They can’t be in thinking mode and tantrum mode at the same time.
Jon Fogel, a parenting researcher and father of four, has revealed the simple trick that quells toddler tantrums in as little as two minutes
‘This is why it’s pointless to try and reason – you are arguing with a lizard, they cannot reason with you.
‘But there are things you can do, brain hacks, to put the thinking brain back in the driver’s seat, which will therefore end the tantrum.’
Jon added that there are a lot of handy tricks you can use to intercept your child’s sobs and screams, but the color game is the most effective.
The father, with his baby perched on his lap, gave examples of questions you might put to your young one: ‘Where’s something red? We’ve got to find something red.
‘Where’s yellow? Yellow’s next. You just go through all of the colors.’
The part of the brain that identifies colors and assigns names to them is not the part of their brain that throws fits, he continued.
‘This means that when they start playing the color game, the part of their brain that’s throwing a tantrum will shut the hell up and allow you to talk to the part of their brain that can tell you why they’re disappointed and fix the problem.’
And for those parents who believe that their child would resist and shout ‘no’, Jon advised to take the game one step further.
With his baby on his lap, he explained the color game is about intercepting your child’s emotional brain and connecting to their rational side
‘Just start naming the wrong color for things,’ he says. ‘Let’s see how long they can hold up.’
He continued: ‘[If you say] “that apple over there is blue”, they won’t resist that opportunity to tell you how wrong you are.’
The resounding advice from Jon is: ‘Just parent smarter not harder.’
Tapping into the child’s rational brain and, if that doesn’t work, the part of them that desperately wants to prove you wrong, should shorten the length of time you have to stand and endure the piercing wails.
Jon is just one expert reconsidering what effective discipline looks like, and he concludes that it is far from intimidation and punishment.
Allison Ciongoli, a marriage and family therapist, also believes discipline is more than just sending your child to their room.
‘Healthy discipline teaches children how to make better choices by connecting actions to consequences,’ she said.
Where punishment is reactive and focused only on stopping unwanted behaviour, healthy discipline is proactive.
What’s important, she stressed, is helping children build self-regulation and reinforcing positive behavior, often through praising good choices and modeling emotional control.
For toddlers between the ages of one and three, Allison recommended redirection and distraction – like offering a toy or starting a new activity – to prevent misbehaviour before it escalates.
‘Short time-outs, about one minute per year of age, can help them calm down,’ she added.
Ignoring certain attention-seeking behaviors, as long as it’s safe to do so, can also help teach boundaries and discourage the behaviour over time.
As children grow into the school-age years, from six to twelve, discipline should start shifting toward promoting accountability.
She also encouraged parents to have calm, open conversations that help kids reflect on their actions.
