Gen Z: Time for baby Enzo’s bedtime story.
Boomer: Beatrix Potter or Enid Blyton?
I thought Beatrix Potter was a wizard?
You’re getting confused with Harry.
We’re going for Buffalo Fluffalo, a Waterstones bestseller about emotional regulation and personal boundaries.
The only boundary a buffalo needs is a sturdy fence with a warning sign.
I don’t support the imprisonment of wild animals.
I don’t support Freudian analysis of a buffalo’s ability to regulate his emotions.
The real appeal of Buffalo Fluffalo is it’s less than 500 words long.
That’s not a book. That’s a Tweet.
Right-on reads: Gen Z is all for kids’ books with a message
According to The Sunday Times, the average kids’ book is 70 per cent shorter than it was in the 1930s. Literary snacks, you know?
Five-hundred words isn’t a snack, it’s malnourishment.
No 20something parent has time to read 194 pages about four kids and a dog climbing mountains without parental supervision.
You mean The Famous Five? I wholeheartedly agree with a recent comment about them in the paper – that their ‘fun and adventure’ created a ‘generation of avid readers’.
And a generation who thought it was fine for British children to go and colonise an island. Not a vibe.
Really? I must have missed Five Go And Plant The Union Jack.
Haven’t you heard that sensitivity readers have edited out Enid Blyton’s use of ‘queer’ and ‘gay’?
Next thing Mr Plod from Noddy will be accused of police brutality.
I prefer stories with clearer moral messages. Like recent bestseller My Friend Earth by US author Patricia MacLachlan, who’s sold over seven million kids’ books.
Is it a rallying cry against the carbon footprint of Paddington Bear’s journey from Peru?
It’s a celebration of eco-diversity that helps little ones become ‘environmental warriors’.
You’ll be so proud when Enzo ends up supergluing himself to the M25.
Nah, I’m not worried. We’ve never made it to the end of a book.
He nods off that fast?
I get bored and we do iPad time instead.
It’s not meant to entertain you! Do you think I enjoyed reading about the Very Hungry Caterpillar’s binge-eating disorder nightly for three years?
Blyton time: Boomers fondly recall the author’s adventure tales
Well, according to The Guardian, only 41 per cent of Gen Z parents actually read to their kids and fewer than half say they have ‘fun’ doing it.
I imagine a book called My Friend Earth would be right up most Guardian readers’ streets.
‘They request the same book over and over,’ one Gen Z parent was quoted. Another confessed: ‘It’s so boring.’
What’s wrong with your generation? You have to make it fun! I did silly voices to spruce up Janet and John’s adventures.
If I read Enzo that rubbish, he’d stop me on page two to ask if Janet had Instagram.
You’re missing the point. Reading to your kid is about bonding.
So is putting on matching pyjamas and watching Bluey.
Is that a new Teletubby?
It’s a TV show about Australian puppy Bluey and her sister Bingo that’s been streamed over 450 million times on iPlayer.
Jesus wept. At least stick the subtitles on to help with literacy.
That might help the parents more. BBC presenter Tina Daheley says her three-year-old daughter now has an Australian accent and calls money ‘dollar bucks’.
The Famous Five didn’t require an understanding of currency conversion.
Meanwhile, Californian TikToker Janine Lagrimas has posted a clip of her toddler drawling ‘Naurrrr’ instead of ‘No’ that has got 7.6 million views.
And this unintelligible Australian accent isn’t enough to get you back to books?
Not until they come with a ‘Previously on’ and ‘Skip recap’ option.
You’re ridiculous. Do you know what you’ll say when Enzo still can’t spell at 13?
Time to book a tutor?
‘I only have my shelf to blame.’
